Luna Tuna HeadThe reality is that I have been busy painting furniture and getting December's receipts, sales and bookkeeping done. I had a busy sales week which was a little unexpected but very welcomed. I have also been ordering product and looking for new lines to carry. All the spring trade shows are happening all through January and into February. I wanted to go the Toronto show this year but ...well ... (come closer) ...I am afraid to fly (we're going down, we're going down). I haven't always been afraid to fly. I have enjoyed flying to a few tropical destinations in my life but the older I get the more fear I experience. Or is it anxiety? Does fear bring on anxiety or does anxiety bring on fear?
I used to live in the suburbs of Vancouver and as a result getting anywhere usually involved a bridge. Or two. High bridges. Long bridges. I remember the first time I felt fear/anxiety driving over a bridge. It was in the middle of the night and I was approaching the Port Mann Bridge heading eastbound. The bridge was under construction and from a distance I could see the flashing lights and the barrels, delineaters and cones that redirect traffic. There was really no one else on the road at the time - wasn't like it was full-on rush hour - but my heart started to speed up the closer I got and as the lane narrowed. By the time I was on that bridge it was all I could do to keep going. I wanted to drive off the bridge instead of over it. My breathing got heavy and I felt dizzy. As the end of the bridge became visible I started to calm down and by the time I was off ...I felt fine. I am afraid that is how I will react to flying because the thought of flying and the thought of driving over a bridge gives me the same queazy feeling.
I think it is the height of the bridge and being in the air that is what triggers my fear and/or anxiety. I like my feet planted on the ground. I hope I can get over this fear because there are so many places I want to go. Costa Rica, Australia, France ...Italy. Falling to ones death allows time to be scared. That is really what my fear is. Being scared just before death.
On a lighter note ...I had a great hair day!
I used to live in the suburbs of Vancouver and as a result getting anywhere usually involved a bridge. Or two. High bridges. Long bridges. I remember the first time I felt fear/anxiety driving over a bridge. It was in the middle of the night and I was approaching the Port Mann Bridge heading eastbound. The bridge was under construction and from a distance I could see the flashing lights and the barrels, delineaters and cones that redirect traffic. There was really no one else on the road at the time - wasn't like it was full-on rush hour - but my heart started to speed up the closer I got and as the lane narrowed. By the time I was on that bridge it was all I could do to keep going. I wanted to drive off the bridge instead of over it. My breathing got heavy and I felt dizzy. As the end of the bridge became visible I started to calm down and by the time I was off ...I felt fine. I am afraid that is how I will react to flying because the thought of flying and the thought of driving over a bridge gives me the same queazy feeling.
I think it is the height of the bridge and being in the air that is what triggers my fear and/or anxiety. I like my feet planted on the ground. I hope I can get over this fear because there are so many places I want to go. Costa Rica, Australia, France ...Italy. Falling to ones death allows time to be scared. That is really what my fear is. Being scared just before death.
On a lighter note ...I had a great hair day!
1 comment:
These feelings come from what should have happened, but didn't happen, when very young. We humans are born with half of course emotional control system in place, and half of it missing. The part that is in place with every newborn is the ability to get more "reved up". But there is no ability to calm down; that ability depends on two things: 1. the part of the brain that will serve as the computer do cause calming to physically develop between eight and ten months, and 2. programming that computer once it physically exists.
The problem is, the programing isn't done well. What an infant needs is to be profoundly tuned into, so much so that the infant feels the mind-to-mind connection with the caregiver. It is the infant's sensing that it is not MENTALLY alone that becomes the programming for that new part of the brain.
When this mind-to-mind attunement -- if it exists and if it is internalized -- forms the basis for regulating emotions later on.
Most of us don't get enough, so we need to compensate, like Linus, with "security blankets" such as control of things so they are sure to work out OK, or lots of reassurance that things will work out OK, plus a way to escape if things don't work out OK.
That is the problem with bridges and with airplanes: no way to immediately get out if panic attacks.
I've done a video that explains a lot about this. In addition to the video there is a library of articles. Please take a look. It is all at www.fearofflying.com
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